Hard Currency Hustler Hard Currency seems to be a title chosen at random for this Patrick Handsome feature, consisting as it does of largely unrelated sex scenes seemingly visualised by JPX, presumably as an author tapping away at his laptop. Even this tiny synopsis fleshes out the anorexic plot (using the term extremely loosely here) beyond the movie's paltry effort. I really wonder why they bother. Frankly, it makes no sense at all, as it adds nothing to the action, which thankfully does offer some fine compensation in the form of truly beautiful girls in alluring outfits unequivocally angled at the discerning lingerie and hosiery fetishist.
Simony
The first chapter features the gorgeous Simony all dressed up in bright flowery lingerie, black stockings, heels and scarlet lipstick. She is getting ready in the bathroom and needs assistance applying skin cream to her boobs - Bob Terminator, presumably as a bodyguard or something (sketchy story? Nothing but the sketchiest!), is the man who has the onerous task. Bob, one of the most wooden of woodsmen in porn, brings little charisma to the part and the sex is strictly routine. Still, Simony, as always, looks delectable and does all the required moves; including anal and a facial finish featuring some put-on sexy looks at the camera. Seen it all before, but damn, she is foxy.
Kelly
Following swiftly on, the next scenario sees Titof sleeping on a couch. Kelly (AKA Sharka Blue, star of a certain director's Russian Institute, for Marc Dorcel), a petite blonde who comes across like Anastasia or Simony's horny baby sister, tiptoes into the room, slips off her shoes and sneaks up to the dozing Frenchman to start seducing him. Or, to put it another way, sucking his cock. He reciprocates the oral then they fuck, doggy anal being particularly pleasing on the eye as it makes her too-good-to-be-true tits stick out like delicious little cones. Sometimes all it takes is a gorgeous blonde in black stockings, and I am sold. This is one such instance - again, it's strictly routine sex but she does look so good in the nylons, especially her sweet little feet. She also takes it up her rear end with alacrity, proving to be a little live wire too, before Titof strokes onto her tongue.
Alena
Lauro Giotto plays a chap seduced by his "boss", the elegant, slim, pale skinned brunette Alena. They kiss and in a trice he has his head in between her wide-spread stockinged thighs. Her gorgeous boobs swell as he eats her. She looks at him with big brown eyes in an irresistible fashion as they fuck. For once, I have to give the guy some credit - Lauro is one of the better of the guys around, who acts like a bit of a ladies' man and actually appears to enjoy his work.
And so Alena duly rewards him with a blowjob and the chance to insistently nudge his knob up her back passage for quite some time. So lots of anal if that's what turns your crank, but for me it's the luxurious combination of her silly smooth skin, arching body, soft, quivering boobs and long legs in shimmering black stockings that get me dribbling in unseemly fashion. This is why porn viewing should remain a solo pursuit. Just to wrap up the action: Lauro jerks off onto blood red lips that have quite miraculously remained perfectly made-up through the whole scene.
Anastasia and Nicole
JPX is involved in this one himself, sitting back to take in the luxurious and decadent sight of sumptuous blonde Anastasia and sultry brunette putting on a "lesbian" show in a swirl of lingerie, black stockings and high heels. With a slap to Anastasia's ample ass, JPX inveigles himself in their play, eating pussy, getting his knob sucked and taking Anastasia doggy style. Given the alluring way she offers herself, it would be improper not to.
For some reason, this position is spun out a little too long but the subsequent coupling between Nicole and JPX is bafflingly brief. Anastasia continues to hog the limelight by taking it anally. The anal is explicit and a little messy and the whole thing ends with a fair old facial sprayed onto both girls' faces, but if it wasn't for the fact the girls look so damn good, it would be tempting to dismiss the scene as yet more routine smut.
Kelly
JPX, as the author, struggles for inspiration but finally comes up with the following debauched scenario (I am filling in the gaps in Monsieur Handsome's plotting here). The violence is somewhat jarring given the generally light mood - JPX, Bob and Sebastian Barrio appear as hoodlums who have Titof tied to a chair and appear to be mid-way through beating him off the planet. Little Kelly bursts into the scene and offers herself to the thugs in order to save her man. Which is admirable, but does the poor sod, dripping blood from facial wounds, have to watch his little baby doing it?
Oh yes, that's the kicker. Kelly sucks and fucks the three goons - and even gives Titof a consoling BJ - right in front of him, taking an indecent delight in the sex. Titof is forced to watch the sight - and what a sight it is - of her toned little form bouncing on their cocks before the goons get the pleasure of her mouth and ass, and even double penetration. Damn it, she's too enthusiastic by half, which does make for a better sex scene but does it make for a convincing scenario? Do we really care? The guys get done shooting their come on her face and ass to bring the whole sordid situation to a close.
Conclusion
Hard Currency is a good looking but unsubstantial production, which as I suggested already would be easy to dismiss out of hand if it weren't for the great looking women and the extremely sympathetic way in which they are presented. That said, the visual stylings have greater ambition than the rather clunky camerawork permits - it's not nearly as slick and polished a production as it would like to be - but the costumes are a cut above the usual, with superb stockings and lingerie sure to appeal to those with a taste for beautiful girls in fine underwear, hosiery and shoes. It's all significantly more tasteful than those ghastly, cheap-looking fishnets that have become so prevalent.
While the other girls are all delectable, Kelly has to be singled out for praise as much for her enjoyable enthusiasm as for her looks. She brings some much-needed sparkle to what are generally routine sex scenes, performed with energy but little real verve. The sex isn't too strong in terms of harsh attitude or extravagant sex acts, which are qualities that will please many viewers, but nor is there much in the way of chemistry. There are moments that grabbed my attention but all too often my thumb was hovering over the FFW button, and that's something I never usually do. Maybe my patience is wearing thin these days.
I guess that will not be the last time I make that sort of criticism, and in truth, with its particular focus on certain stylistic aspects, it's perhaps unfair to expect Hard Currency to break the mould. Equally, it would be unfair to expect me to recommend you spend more than the cost of a rental on this sporadically stimulating but quickly forgettable product.
DVD Comments
Hard Currency is a fairly good quality product. Picture quality is fine, the sound is good though the original sound is occasionally swamped by excessively loud music. The movie is backed up with a behind the scenes clip (the usual photo shoots etc) and a mildly idiotic interview with Patrick Handsome. The gushing interviewer singularly fails to pose any of the genuinely interesting questions that could have been fired at Patrick. For example, he mentions a 20-year history in the business, but she doesn't probe into exactly what he was doing in this time beyond ascertaining that he was doing "photos"There's a cast list, some photos, a half-dozen trailers and some annoying adverts. Black marks to Hustler for continuing to do this.
Director Patrick Handsome
Cast Alena, Nicole, Kelly, Anastasia Christ, Simony, JPX, Bob Terminator, Titof, Sebastian Barrio, Lauro Giotto
Running Time 88mins
Video NTSC / All regions
Audio Dolby 2.0 / Original sound
Disc Features Patrick Handsome interview, behind the scenes, cast list, photos, trailers, adverts
