The Little Details

Running Time: 76 min.

Production Date: 2 / 18 / 2006, 4 / 8 / 2006, 5 / 6 / 2006, 12 / 2, 10, 14, 18 / 2006, 2 / 23 / 2007, 10 / 3 / 2007 (DVD), and 9 / 13 / 2007 (cover)

Director: Carlos Batts

Cast: April Flores, Cherry, EK, FREEda, Kimberly Kane, and Peppermint Fatty

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Hmmmmmmm. Something about this one makes me a little nervous...

Initial Reaction: There's a lot better things that I could have done with my time than watching this one. Having my head slammed in a car door is one of them.

Who Should Watch It : Masochists

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting something resembling a porno

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects don't quite get up to the average level. The audio is completely dominated by the music, and there's very little dialogue to come out in the movie. The video is presented in non-anamorphic widescreen and mixes black and white, full color, and tinted video. It's often pretty average, but there are some areas that get extremely grainy and hold back the presentation.

Music: The music has an alternative feeling that I guess works for the movie. It completely dominates the audio with very little other audio in the movie.

Menus: The main menu blends a still with a little minor animation for an okay first impression. The chapter menu is very generic, and lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and a chapter number.

The Feature

Voluptuous Life follows April Flores as she goes coast to coast with fetish stuff. Beyond that, I just don't know what to say.

Scene 1 ? April Flores and a girl

After getting dressed up in red, black, and white and riding and walking around San Francisco, April finds her way to a tattoo parlor. After getting a girl drawn on her tit, things cut to an apartment with a brunette, a pole, and nothing visible on her tit. The girls dance around the pole, kiss, and play with each other without any penetration before the scene comes to a close.

One word immediately came to mind while watching this scene, and that word is ?Suck!?. It isn't so much a sex scenes as a collection of April going around town with everything set to music and no dialogue. The entire scene seemed pointless and I kept wondering if anything was going to happen. It never did.

Scene 2 ? April Flores

April heads to Vegas next where she walks around. Sadly, that's all she seems to do. She walks down a hallway and walks around a room before the scene ends. The entire scene seems completely pointless and was two minutes which could have been cut out of the movie without it losing a single thing.

Scene 3 ? April Flores and a brunette

In New York, April and a heavily tattooed brunette take turns leaning against a wall in a stairwell and spanking each other. They head upstairs to hang out and pose for a few photos before putting on medical masks and checking each other own visually in an optometrist's chair. They look like they're going to get it on, but the scene cuts away so they can spank themselves and each other briefly back in the waiting room.

This scene might have been worthwhile if April and the other chick would have got it on. Instead it comes out as a poorly done tease with plenty of potential and no effort to follow it up. This scene made me thankful for the remote control.

Scene 4 ? April Flores and Peppermint Fatty

April hangs out with Peppermint Fatty, which doesn't begin to describe this woman's size, when she gets to LA. She sucks a toy while riding on her back and spanks Peppermint before posing a little more and the scene cutting out.

I guess if you want a big girl and a REALLY big girl laying around sucking on sex toys and getting in a little spanking this scene might be okay. I can like big girls, but I also like something to seem like it's going to happen. It never did here and the scene came off as another dud.

Scene 5 ? April Flores and a brunette

In Highland Park April gets dressed up and poses in a kitchen and against a wall before sucking a could dildos briefly and actually fucking herself with one of them. She poses a bit more before things move to a red tinted room with a brunette where she shares a little chewing gum, a few kisses, and a little titty sucking. Afterwards she takes a bath.

Amazingly, this scene actually seemed to have something going for it at times. Sadly those times are very few and far between with quite a bit of the scene being so dark that you can barely make out anything at times. This scene gets going for a few moments, but then comes back to the normal sucktastic level of the rest of the movie.

Scene 6 ? April Flores and a drag queen

In Crenshaw April hooks up with a drag queen. After helping him be a better her, they pose for photos and she sits around watching him do his song and dance. Afterwards things cut back to the tattoo parlor for April to get a bit more ink (which was on full display in its finished form earlier in the movie.

Roughly thirty five minutes into the movie, and there's finally something to hear other than the music. It doesn't last long and doesn't really help the movie out either. Having the drag queen's song and dance done to somebody else's music gave a very odd feeling, and killed any interest I might have had in the scene. This is yet another dud.

Scene 7 ? April Flores and Kimberly Kane

April hooks up with Kimberly Kane in Silver Lake to pose for a few stills. They kiss each other's tits and get in a little pussy licking before working in a little toy play. They move to a green tinted room to fuck each other with other toys and get in a little more pussy licking and titty sucking. They even get in a little foot worship and sixty-nining before moving to a shower where everything is tinted pink for Kimberly to strip April down and tie her up. Finally the scene cuts out.

This is easily the best scene in the movie, but that isn't saying too much. There's actually a bit of action between Kimberly and April, and although the editing is completely hacked up there are a few good shots. This scene breaks away from the total suck level of the rest of the movie to end up being overly artistic and not working.

Voluptuous Life is quite easily one of the worst releases I've watched in a very long time. In fact, I can't think of a movie that's been more painful to watch this year. It's supposed to be about kinky fantasy adventures from coast to coast, and although the movie appears to go from coast to coast and has some kink aspects, there's never anything that feels like an adventure. The scenes are like a poor quality alt-porn look at photo shoots. They're so hacked up that they have trouble building into anything and there's only one scene in the movie to have some actual sex in it. I'm guessing the written comments that pop up here and there in the movie are supposed to give a touch of personality, but instead they gave the movie a little more of a ?what the fuck?? feeling that was running rampant already. There's no real personality to come across as one's supposed to be getting to know April's life and instead feels like it's just a bunch of footage which was thrown into a food processor, pulsed a dozen times, and then put out to watch however it came out. In fact, the only thing that saved Voluptuous Life from a goose-egg for a sex rating was a little of the footage with Kimberly Kane at the end. Voluptuous Life is without a doubt the worst release I've seen come out of Bad Seed, as well as a strong contender for the worst release of 2007.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery lasts about four minutes with about six seconds to pan around each snapshot. I absolutely loathe this style and didn't make it past the second photo because of it. Trailers are included for Big Dicks Bouncing Tits, White Girls Gone Black, Hot Squirters 4, Love Hurts, The Naturals 2, and Voluptuous Life. There's also a behind the scenes featurette and weblinks.

The behind the scenes featurette lasts about eight and a half minutes. I'm not sure how this counts as a behind the scenes featurette as it's basically a straightforward look at another sequence like the ones in the movie. It does show some of the preparation for the scene, but like so much of the rest of the movie, just feels like it's being thrown at the wall to see what sticks. This is just a less painful version of what's in the movie.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, tease, toys, masturbation, and lesbian

Raincoat Factor: Very low

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Bad Seed's DVDs can be found online for between about $15 and $25 with a few stores offering them near the low end. Don't even think about paying that much. Aim very low here or rent it first. There's barely any sex, and the rest of the movie is downright boring. The technical aspects don't quite make the average level, but there is a touch of effort put into the extras. This is one of the worst movies I've seen in a very, very long time.

Note to Bad Seed: I wonder who you lost a bet with to have to release this one.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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